Getting back into blogging

The question is why haven't I been blogging. The answer could easily be a new job, but I think in reality it has a lot to with the fact that I turned down a chance at international competition for said job and now I am bummed. Judo class is going okay. We have a lot of beginners and I spend most of my time working with them. I don't mind, but I still haven't competed yet and I am feeling less competent rather than more because we haven't been doing much stand up work because of the new people. I get they still have to learn ukemi. I get that I need to learn patience and that I am in a small club. But I am still bummed. More than anything I wish that I could do it all and I can't. We always sacrifice one thing for another.

I think it is time for some yoga and more cardio. I have really neglected my conditioning and have been only doing judo. Yoga is always grounding.

Weights and Cardio

My cardio has been getting better. I am trying to decrease the amount of time it takes me to run a mile. My goal at this point is 8 minutes on the treadmill. My record for the mile is just under 7 minutes, but it has been a long time since I have been able to keep up that pace. But 8 minutes on the treadmill is enough of a goal. I am now just under 10 minutes.

So I get to the gym and run a mile and then walk a mile at a fast pace at an incline. And then I cool down at a slow pace for about 5 minutes. Then I hit the weights.

I have been doing a weight routine that feels right to me, but I don't know if it is "right". I really want to get the Gracie Superfit book. It has an excellent training plan and would be a good model for judo. I have read through it in the bookstore on a number of occasions. In any case I can lift 30 lb dumbells for about 3 sets of ten. I alterate each arm standing. I have gotten a lot of attention lately from the men. They look at me lifting my 30 lb dumbells and then they give me another look and then they put down their weights and get some that are heavier. It is a good feeling in a way, but I would love to have a woman to work out with...someone built like me because I feel like a freak. I also do squats. I think I am just at 120lbs for deep squats. Then I do inclined situps with a medicine ball. I can't feel situps in my abs anymore which is a problem. Even with the medicine ball I still don't get that much of a workout. We are up to doing 80 (well the sensei does 80 but I can only usually get 70 during the same time period) in our judo class. If hubby is with me we do some medicine ball drills and plyometric stuff. If not I usually then do some assisted pull-ups and dips with a 40 lb counterweight in sets of ten. Then I stretch and usually do a few yoga stretching/balancing moves to ground me.

Emotional Wellness

I have been fighting with myself. The internal struggle is about my own personal goals. I have a deep longing to compete and that energy is just stuck right now. I have trouble pacing myself and being patient. Perhaps these are the most important lessons that are learned in competitive sports. Judo is frustrating in that way. It is a path that involves competition and yet it is a path that involves non-competition, patience, continued practice.

Like the Dr. Pepper ad (and the Queen song) says, "I want it all and I want it now." I feel very much like my three year old sometimes.

Yoga has been grounding. Hubby went again with me this week. I am learning to contort my body and the non-competitive practice is useful. I also have been doing cardio and weight lifting and those things are useful.

For some reason right now my whole life feels out of balance so I am struggling with bring it all back into balance. My hunch is that I need to just accept and let things be right now. I have uncertainty about some competition possibilities. I have uncertainty about going back to work in the Fall. I have uncertainty about so much and it is hard to just let it be and to just let go.

Most importantly to remember that I am okay no matter what happens in competition, in judo, in my career, in life. I am okay. As our yoga instructor said yesterday. For a moment just to be...for no reason other than just to be in that moment. Just to exist as another living organism. I forget who it was that said I don't have to do anything but stay black and die. In my case I have to remember I don't have to do anything but stay me and die.

Rollerblading, Jump-roping and Yoga

I have been rollerblading in between judo classes at the skate park. I am sure the teenagers think I am a grandma at age 31, but whatever! I am working on spins and trick jumps on and off a concrete block runway thing. Also am starting to work on getting up the half-pipe ramp.

This morning I got up and jump-roped and then did a full yoga workout with three sun salutations and couple other moves. It felt really good and centering and I have decided it should be a morning ritual.

I still really need to lose 20 pounds. So I am shooting for 10 pounds in the next month. Then a break for a couple of months and then 10 more. I have to take breaks from calorie restriction because if I don't I get really tired. I am taking a EAS low carb protien supplement which is mixture of soy and whey protein. So far it is working as well as the all-soy one that I was taking. Wonder if there is much of a difference?

Motivation?

I have gotten over my anger at the people who tried to break me. My ego gets hurt more than anything. Of course when I get really angry I want to cry, but I am learning to channel that energy into my performance. Of course if I really want to cry I am just going to do it. I haven't gotten to that point yet.

I notice when my husband throws me that I hit the ground hard and it hurts...I notice that when my sensei throws me I hit the ground hard, but it doesn't hurt. My husband says he thinks it has to do with the smoothness of the energy transfer of the throw. In other words when we newbies are throwing the power is not steady and we are "jerky". Not sure how else to describe it.

I think I should rename this blog since I just can't get into yoga anymore. Sigh...it would be so good for me if I could do it more regularly. Anyone have any motivation??

Yoga oh Yoga I have neglected you so...

Why is that you ask? Because I am completely obsessed with judo. Judo forum, judo class, judo dreams, youtube. Yes I dream of leg techniques and wake up to find my legs intwined with my husband's.

Working out is going well. We are working on techniques that can be used in competition (I think?). We are doing things like kata guruma from the knees because we don't have a good enough forward ukemi and also some leg hooking take down from the kneeling postition. Watching youtube I see that these techniques are often used to win competitions, but are often not considered "good judo" but you figure what else can you do as a novice. I got to work with a brown belt and I notice that I have a long, long, long way to go. It is kind of discouraging. I need some yoga to balance me out.