Judo and a Path to Wellness

2008-05-15T16:35:00.002-04:00

New Attitude

I have turned over a new leaf.

Sure I am still overweight. Sure I am still wondering if judo is where I belong. But most important I am not a quitter. Time to find a yoga class and start going to it regularly.

2008-05-08T19:47:00.002-04:00

Laziness and a lapse in Wellness

I am fat...I am unmotivated...I am bored with judo.

But yet I keep going to every class. We are a mostly newaza club and I think I have had enough. I need to lose weight more than anything. I have let the stress of work..changing jobs yet again...and life in general get me down. I really want to make a commitment to judo, to my new new job and to myself. I have considered aikido. Perhaps I have gone as far as I can where I am, but I am not ready to give up the martial arts.

This is not how I imagined my early 30s to be.

2007-08-16T07:46:00.000-04:00

Getting back into blogging

The question is why haven't I been blogging. The answer could easily be a new job, but I think in reality it has a lot to with the fact that I turned down a chance at international competition for said job and now I am bummed. Judo class is going okay. We have a lot of beginners and I spend most of my time working with them. I don't mind, but I still haven't competed yet and I am feeling less competent rather than more because we haven't been doing much stand up work because of the new people. I get they still have to learn ukemi. I get that I need to learn patience and that I am in a small club. But I am still bummed. More than anything I wish that I could do it all and I can't. We always sacrifice one thing for another.

I think it is time for some yoga and more cardio. I have really neglected my conditioning and have been only doing judo. Yoga is always grounding.

2007-06-25T08:10:00.000-04:00

How not to be marginalized...

I attended a fabulous birthday party and was jealous of a very cool Hello Kitty contact case. So I had to use my Hello Kitty picture today.

As far as training goes...I am taking life more seriously and less seriously at the same time. I realized that I have a tendency to marginalize myself. All that I can do at this point in my life is learn. The difference between 31 and 21 is that I can learn without thinking that I have to learn everything. I can learn to learn...if that makes any sense. I am in a way less goal oriented. The goal is there somewhere in the distance, but for now my goal is the process. It is to keep working, keeping going to the gym, keeping seeking knowledge. I don't have to have to arrive anytime soon. I am on this train for a long time and I guess I am getting used to it.

2007-06-20T08:10:00.000-04:00

New Day...better attitude, I hope.

So after reading Mongo's comment on my last post I paused. Of course judo is for me...I love judo. Well, maybe the honeymoon is over and I don't love it as much as I used to, but I am not going to quit. I can't quit until I have actually done tachi waza randori in my club, until I have competed in shiai, until I find out if my uchi mata would actually work on someone my own size. Until then I am sticking with it. I still enjoy aspects of it.

2007-06-19T10:46:00.000-04:00

Scared

I am scared of the change. The new job begins two weeks from yesterday. I am really scared that I am not going to be able to juggle my family and my work. Judo is not nearly as satisfying as it once was. I am tired today and still sore from Saturday. The work out was good, but I really feel like I lack focus in my training. What am I training for? November is still there as a goal, but it has seemed an awful long time to wait for a first shiai. I get more irritated on the judo forum. Obviously I get information there, but of course it is not as good as having someone show me the answers to my questions. I don't think some of the more experienced people on the forum have any idea of what it is like to be a beginner in a small club working slowly on the basics. I have always thought there was way too much judgement on there. You have to wade through the judgement to learn anything from it. I am dissatisfied, but what can I do but be patient. I have limited training partners and it sucks being the shortest, the only woman etc... Today it just sucks to be me.

Hope I shrug off the bad attitude soon.

2007-06-15T23:47:00.000-04:00

Balance

I am striking a balance in my life. I am moving from stay-at-home Mom to working mother. My daughter will attend a Montessori school in the Fall. I am excited for her...I am excited for me. My mental health is doing well. Unfortunately, the job is a night job so I will have the challenge of being up all night and asleep all day--then off to pick daughter from school. I will work four tens which is a plus. I love three day weekends.

As to judo...I am making it a priority. I didn't accept an evening shift position for that very reason. Judo is my prozac. I have to have it at least twice a week. On an aside, who would have thought that there is so much to uchi mata. I am not at all the right height for it, but on occasion I do get it. I am finding that I need more tai sabaki movement in order to get my leg in the right position. Of course I have yet to try it on someone my own size. Working with people a foot taller and 25 pounds heavier makes it harder. I think in reality I wouldn't use uchi mata on someone that size, but I have little choice in training partners at this point.

I am completely exhausted today from judo class. I still have that treading water feeling. I really want to compete, but there is nothing to compete in at the moment. It gets claustraphobic in our class sometimes.

2007-06-07T07:42:00.000-04:00

New Job? Definitely a New Attitude!

So I am going to an interview today for a new job. It is at night. I hope that I can work at night. Have my daughter in preschool (daycare over the summer) and then sleep while she is there and wake up in time to pick her up get her ready for bed and then go back to work. Mostly I need the money, but in all honesty I also need to get out of the house and do something else. My daughter and I get on each others nerves sometimes. We both need more interaction than were getting.

As far as judo goes...I have a better attitude today. Practice last night was good and I am getting the hang of Uchi Mata. It isn't an easy throw with my short legs, but I try to go very deep and that helps a lot. I am having a bit more confidence there. Also I toned down my competitiveness during newaza and that helped a lot. I get far too competetive with my husband and it leads to nowhere. I guess I never realized how competitive I was. At the end of the day I have to still live with my husband. Besides he got me in a hold down last night honestly and I have to realize that there is someone out there who is stronger etc... I can't "win" all the time.

2007-06-04T11:20:00.000-04:00

Dis-couraged

I have a couple of choices in judo class. Work with a kid...or work with my husband. The kid is a great kid -- hard working, smart, but also small. Or I can work with my husband who can't moderate himself. It is full speed or nothing and full speed could kill me (for real). So I get dis-couraged. I don't know what to do at times like these. I know I have to accept the limitations of my life both in judo and otherwise. But it is hard. I don't want to accept things the way they are. I want to practice. I want to learn. I want to be able to not have to worry about someone trying to break my leg clean off my body when I am uke and we are doing uchi mata uchi komi.

These things don't seem unreasonable.

2007-05-27T08:12:00.000-04:00

Sore Again

Ughhhh.....Our judo practice yesterday was killer. It has been a long time since we have gone over 2 hours with hard practice. I hit complete and total muscle failure and at one point was laying on the ground while being held down in kesa gatame and I just gave up. That is unusal for me...I usually never give up, but I was wiped. Guess I need to keep up with the cardio.

We went over some newaza techniques/guard work (our sensei doesn't call it that though). We went over uchi mata and I am not very good at it. Hubby with his long strong legs and arms can twirl me around like a baton. Although I found I could counter him well with tai otoshi, but that was only if we were going very, very slowly. Our sensei never lets us go full speed anyway. I stopped buying advil because I haven't needed it in months. I will surely be ingesting some today.

I am also noticing lumps where there weren't any before. I was laying on the couch. What is that lump and I realized it was muscle tissue on the under side of my shoulder. I didn't have muscle there before...well at least I didn't notice it before. I was seriously freaked out for a second.

2007-05-23T07:50:00.000-04:00

Weights and Cardio

My cardio has been getting better. I am trying to decrease the amount of time it takes me to run a mile. My goal at this point is 8 minutes on the treadmill. My record for the mile is just under 7 minutes, but it has been a long time since I have been able to keep up that pace. But 8 minutes on the treadmill is enough of a goal. I am now just under 10 minutes.

So I get to the gym and run a mile and then walk a mile at a fast pace at an incline. And then I cool down at a slow pace for about 5 minutes. Then I hit the weights.

I have been doing a weight routine that feels right to me, but I don't know if it is "right". I really want to get the Gracie Superfit book. It has an excellent training plan and would be a good model for judo. I have read through it in the bookstore on a number of occasions. In any case I can lift 30 lb dumbells for about 3 sets of ten. I alterate each arm standing. I have gotten a lot of attention lately from the men. They look at me lifting my 30 lb dumbells and then they give me another look and then they put down their weights and get some that are heavier. It is a good feeling in a way, but I would love to have a woman to work out with...someone built like me because I feel like a freak. I also do squats. I think I am just at 120lbs for deep squats. Then I do inclined situps with a medicine ball. I can't feel situps in my abs anymore which is a problem. Even with the medicine ball I still don't get that much of a workout. We are up to doing 80 (well the sensei does 80 but I can only usually get 70 during the same time period) in our judo class. If hubby is with me we do some medicine ball drills and plyometric stuff. If not I usually then do some assisted pull-ups and dips with a 40 lb counterweight in sets of ten. Then I stretch and usually do a few yoga stretching/balancing moves to ground me.

2007-05-22T09:53:00.000-04:00

Emotional Wellness

I have been fighting with myself. The internal struggle is about my own personal goals. I have a deep longing to compete and that energy is just stuck right now. I have trouble pacing myself and being patient. Perhaps these are the most important lessons that are learned in competitive sports. Judo is frustrating in that way. It is a path that involves competition and yet it is a path that involves non-competition, patience, continued practice.

Like the Dr. Pepper ad (and the Queen song) says, "I want it all and I want it now." I feel very much like my three year old sometimes.

Yoga has been grounding. Hubby went again with me this week. I am learning to contort my body and the non-competitive practice is useful. I also have been doing cardio and weight lifting and those things are useful.

For some reason right now my whole life feels out of balance so I am struggling with bring it all back into balance. My hunch is that I need to just accept and let things be right now. I have uncertainty about some competition possibilities. I have uncertainty about going back to work in the Fall. I have uncertainty about so much and it is hard to just let it be and to just let go.

Most importantly to remember that I am okay no matter what happens in competition, in judo, in my career, in life. I am okay. As our yoga instructor said yesterday. For a moment just to be...for no reason other than just to be in that moment. Just to exist as another living organism. I forget who it was that said I don't have to do anything but stay black and die. In my case I have to remember I don't have to do anything but stay me and die.

2007-05-15T06:54:00.000-04:00

Only Yoga...

This is going to be an only yoga post. I am trying not even to use the word judo. Oh darn already did.

Anyway, hubby was home yesterday so I took him with me to morning yoga. The instructor at the gym can contort you, stretch you and make you sweat and at the same time talk you about opening your chakras. I tried to set aside all competition, but with hubby right there it was hard. Since we started judo together we are massively competitive. It is a good thing most of the time. It ends on the mat and we go home to our respective roles of wife/mother, husband/father.

In any case after about the fifteenth plank and subsequent triangle pose I was sinking back into child's pose to rest in between. Today I am honestly really sore. But we both were very relaxed afterwards as well as being sweaty and I am sure our chakras were open!

2007-05-12T13:47:00.000-04:00

More internal Struggle

So the thought goes this way....if I work with a man and I lose then it is okay because he is supposed to win since he is a man, but if I work with a woman and lose what does that say about me. Now I understand what some of the men go through when they work with me. I worked with a woman for the first time. I am happy to welcome another female judoka to the class and hope that she stays. I have this feeling she will. Even though it was the first class I sensed that competitive streak. You can't learn that. I believe your are born with it. When a kid joins the class they are either totally uncompetitive or they are super focused. With adults it seems to vary some, but this woman definitely has that fight in her. She is in good shape and she is quick.

So then comes fear. Oh no what if she beats me. What if she is stronger than me, quicker than me. And the list goes on.

Then I stop and take a breath. Set ego aside and realize it doesn't matter. If I "lose" in randori or shiai then I learn. There are people out there better than I am and there are people out there that are worse. What I can bring is dedication. Dedication to become strong and fast and to be technically proficient. Dedication to "bring it" with those who try to crush me and to adjust with those who are new. Dedication to the process. Whether I win or lose I have dedication. Someone on the judo forum said that dedication by itself isn't worth much. You can be dedicated to being a career criminal. This is true, but the first step is to find something worthy of your energy. I found judo and certainly it is a worthy sport. It is a physical chess match that sharpens me mentally, physically and sometimes even spiritually. It is worthy. Now that I know I want to dedicate to it I can focus on what I can control in life which is my effort. I am older and it may be that my body gets weaker quickly in the next few years, but I can continue the mental effort even after my body starts to fail. In the meantime I am enjoying this and I am learning to let go of that childish ego and embrace the woman within. She is capable.

2007-05-08T18:22:00.000-04:00

Monkey Bars

My upper body workout now includes the monkey bars. I do partial pull ups, knee lifts and of course just go across. What a great way for a mother to get her exercise. I also have my daughter cheering me on. You can do it, Mama!

Judo tomorrow. As always I am excited. I have decided to stay away from the philosphical discussion on the judo forum. It gets depressing and ends up being unhelpful to my own personal growth. History -- useful, techniques --useful (as long as I understand I can't learn from internet only), been there done that stories -- useful, people moaning and arguing over the deeper meanings of judo -- not useful to me at all. I do have my own deep meaning, but I think at this point it hasn't helped me to share them. Part of this is because people can't just discuss at the judo forum. There is so much judgement. Maybe I learn better by doing anyway.

Rock climbing next week. Woohoo!! Husband is coming with me!

So I am progressing. Still don't know how to deal with some of the new attention I am getting from losing weight. In yoga I look nothing like the other women. In fact I prefer sitting next to the guy in the class because I am built more like him. Then again it is real challenge for someone with my body type.

2007-05-06T09:05:00.000-04:00

Boob-a-gatame?

Learn about the judo move Boobagatame at Stacey's website on the judo forum.

Be afraid...be very afraid.

http://JudoForum.com/index.php?automodule=blog&blogid=32&showentry=337

2007-05-05T21:20:00.000-04:00

How good is good?

Do you ever wonder how good is good? So you start this sport/martial art and you are doing well at it. But part of the reason you are doing well is because you are totally obsessed with it. Today my sensei asked what keeps me coming back week after week.

And my answer? Bordem. Life can be boring and judo satisfies both my intellectual boredom and my physical boredom.

I don't want to be great, but I just have never had a sport that I have enjoyed as much as judo. It seems to capitalize on all of my good qualities.

Short, strong flexible body -- good for grappling/judo

A mind that seeks a constant challenge -- also good for judo

A desire to be a lifelong learner -- judo is a sport that promotes lifelong learning

Enjoyment of teaching others -- there is an opportunity to pass on knowledge (at some point)

So how good is good? I suppose that has to do with what you decide good is. When I eventually compete in shiai I will know if I am good at competing in shiai. But that is all. Kind of like passing a big test or getting a 5 on my English AP exam. It only tells you that you are good at passing that particular test at that particular moment.

I guess the real test is within.

2007-05-03T14:00:00.000-04:00

Illness strikes

Illness has struck our household. My daughter has an ear infection again. My athletic activities are at a minimum right now. My last judo class went well. Good turn out and we went over a lot of techniques. Ne waza (ground work) went well, but I need to work on my chokes. I am getting my hand into the opponents lapel but not getting the choke so obviously I have my arm in there wrong. My hand is actually against the bare neck and holding the lapel and I am not getting chin so who knows what I am doing wrong.

I missed my yoga classes this week. I don't have the energy to devote to many activites until I can get myself and my family back up to speed. I do plan on committing to 2x per week once we get well.

I didn't get in bed until 11:30PM last night. My husband woke me up at 12AM not feeling well. It took me an hour to get back to sleep. Then my daughter woke me up at 4AM. I am dragging today.

2007-04-28T20:24:00.000-04:00

Training "Light"

Judo has been slow. Not much going on except that we will be grading at the end of the month for Orange Belt. I worked with one of the kids (8 year old I think) in the class and I have a massive bruise from Hiza Guruma on my leg. You wouldn't think that a kid could do so much damage. Today class was cancelled so hubby and I just worked out. I really need some direction to my weight lifting and conditioning program.

I am back to regular yoga classes (2x) per week and I am practicing some techniques at home. I really want to be comfortable in the handstand. The inverted poses are so relaxing and it is really helping my flexibility and strength.

I enjoyed my indoor rock climing. I plan on getting a babysitter and bringing hubby next time. It was a lot of fun. And of course I am working on losing weight. I have taken a temporary break on the weight loss, but I am getting there slowly. I want to encorperate more cardio into my training. I have normal body fat according to a % check at the gym. So that is a really good thing, but I still want to lose about 20 pounds so I can be in good athletic shape and not just average for a woman my age.

2007-04-23T09:09:00.000-04:00

Body Changes and an Elbow Assault

Things have really changed both inside and outside of myself. I still have the extra 15 pounds I need to lose and I can still pinch an inch on various different places, but overall there has been a huge transformation. I can feel hip bones and my muscles are toned.

I was more focused last practice. Hubby went for my elbow using a non-judo self defense move that he forgets he is not suppose to use. I thought my whole arm was going to break. I am not ashamed to say I said a naughty word and cried a little. Then I stretched some and realized it was not broken. Just tweaked a little. So I went on to do more ne waza and the sensei matched me with 16 year old football player who is about 10 pounds heavier. And of course he went straight for the tweaked arm and tried and arm bar. I flipped myself up over his back and pivoted around him and I was out of the arm bar. His response, "I have been gone for a while." Of course I needed another break after that because my elbow joint was hurting. Then I came home and iced it and had hubby wrap it up. Everyone had tried to arm bar that one arm and there are bruises from my hands up to my forearm, but the elbow joint feels fine now. I do however look like a domestic violence sufferer.

It is just so weird to feel the muscle mass through my arms. I can't quite manage a full pull up yet but I can do monkey bars again at the playground with my daughter. Tomorrow I signed up for parks and rec indoor rock climbing. We will see how I do. I am hoping that it will be useful cross-training for judo since it uses a lot of the same finger strength for gripping and upper body strength and it is a lot more fun than just lifting weights.

2007-04-19T09:21:00.000-04:00

Personal Problems, Focus and Patience

I have some personal issues going on right now involving extended family. I am learning to go with the flow of things despite the fact that life is more difficult than I would like. Rolled with the sensei last night and I had no resistance. I was just milk-toast. My mind is not in a good place and it definitely shows in my judo. I am slow and exhausted. When I am tired I have a habit of opening my mouth and closing my eyes. In judo and in life I am learning to close my mouth and open my eyes. Good lesson all around.

2007-04-09T12:35:00.000-04:00

Rollerblading, Jump-roping and Yoga

I have been rollerblading in between judo classes at the skate park. I am sure the teenagers think I am a grandma at age 31, but whatever! I am working on spins and trick jumps on and off a concrete block runway thing. Also am starting to work on getting up the half-pipe ramp.

This morning I got up and jump-roped and then did a full yoga workout with three sun salutations and couple other moves. It felt really good and centering and I have decided it should be a morning ritual.

I still really need to lose 20 pounds. So I am shooting for 10 pounds in the next month. Then a break for a couple of months and then 10 more. I have to take breaks from calorie restriction because if I don't I get really tired. I am taking a EAS low carb protien supplement which is mixture of soy and whey protein. So far it is working as well as the all-soy one that I was taking. Wonder if there is much of a difference?

2007-04-05T10:15:00.000-04:00

Motivation?

I have gotten over my anger at the people who tried to break me. My ego gets hurt more than anything. Of course when I get really angry I want to cry, but I am learning to channel that energy into my performance. Of course if I really want to cry I am just going to do it. I haven't gotten to that point yet.

I notice when my husband throws me that I hit the ground hard and it hurts...I notice that when my sensei throws me I hit the ground hard, but it doesn't hurt. My husband says he thinks it has to do with the smoothness of the energy transfer of the throw. In other words when we newbies are throwing the power is not steady and we are "jerky". Not sure how else to describe it.

I think I should rename this blog since I just can't get into yoga anymore. Sigh...it would be so good for me if I could do it more regularly. Anyone have any motivation??

2007-03-31T19:51:00.000-04:00

Ughhh

Trying to remain calm. One person tried to break my jaw in judo and another punched me in the head. I wish people would stick to judo on the judo mat. I did yell out a cuss word...woops we have been warned about that. I apologized from my protective shell after being whapped in the head. I am too angry to post anything else about it.

2007-03-28T08:20:00.000-04:00

Weight loss...

Okay...ughh...I have that extra 20 pounds I want to lose. I have been taking a break from losing and now I want to get back on track and at least lose 10 in the next month which is not unreasonable. Some of this is for judo and some just is for me. In the past I have given up all refined sugar, anything that has sugar as a major ingredient, fried foods and anything that is really high in fat. This means I eat at home. I make my beans and rice, tofu and veggies and drink my protein drink because I need it to maintain and build muscle mass. I just need to make a commitment today. No crash dieting and I probably need to go back to the "group".

2007-03-27T11:55:00.000-04:00

Yoga oh Yoga I have neglected you so...

Why is that you ask? Because I am completely obsessed with judo. Judo forum, judo class, judo dreams, youtube. Yes I dream of leg techniques and wake up to find my legs intwined with my husband's.

Working out is going well. We are working on techniques that can be used in competition (I think?). We are doing things like kata guruma from the knees because we don't have a good enough forward ukemi and also some leg hooking take down from the kneeling postition. Watching youtube I see that these techniques are often used to win competitions, but are often not considered "good judo" but you figure what else can you do as a novice. I got to work with a brown belt and I notice that I have a long, long, long way to go. It is kind of discouraging. I need some yoga to balance me out.

2007-03-25T23:17:00.001-04:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-03-19T09:45:00.000-04:00

Sore muscles....

I have had them for the last 3 weeks. I can't seem to recover in between even though I only go twice a week. We just started O guruma. It was a lot of fun but I couldn't execute on the 6'1" 180lb highschool football player. Oddly enough...he couldn't execute well on me. I guess there is something about the way our bodies are made.

It was a small class and I practiced Uchi Komis with the sensei. He forced my body to keep doing them really fast. Working with him is always grueling, but I do learn the techniques very well that way.

2007-03-08T12:54:00.000-05:00

Still training. Our class was small last night. I have been trying to recruit people into our class but without much luck. I suppose it is one of those things that you just have to let be. My ground skills are coming along, but sometimes I don't understand why my sensei asks me to do a holdown in a certain way. I like to do whatever I can to minimize effort but I am guessing that he is preparing me for people who will have better technique than the ones I am working with right now.

2007-02-22T08:17:00.000-05:00

Training for a Tournament...

So I have been given the go ahead to train for the All Women's Championship Tournament in Kalamazoo, Michigan in November. It will be my first shiai and I am excited. For now I am practicing judo twice a week (the maximum available around here) and conditioning in my off days. I want to lose 15 more pounds and get a little bit stronger. As far as technique goes??? I am pretty good on the ground. I can consistantly get several different hold downs against the guys in our class, and my armbars are coming along with practice during newaza randori. But my throws...eh...need a lot more training there. I am not a natural by any means when it comes to throws. My grip strength is improving though...although my husband says I am getting "man hands". A hazard of the sport I guess.... I am just going as often as I can and trying to focus when I am there.

2007-02-09T13:51:00.000-05:00

A woman can dream....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GGElH4xTzo

This is how you win in 20 secs. :)

These women are in my weight class too by the way...someday maybe it could be me slamming someone to the ground...a woman can dream can't she?

Note to self: Stop watching youtube and clean up house.

2007-01-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

Sickness again strikes my household and I had to miss judo last night. Arghh...I didn't realize how obsessed I have become with this sport/martial art. My biggest fear is that our sensei will move back to where he came from and we will be left with only a rough MMA dojo in town that caters to the UFC types. Speaking of that dojo we are supposed to go down there some time and practice with them. Our Sensei says our grounds skills are as good as theirs which is hard for me to believe given the fact that they practice a lot of bjj (Brazilian jujitsu). But I would probably bet there are no women there and I would love to have the chance to shock some men by getting a kesa gatame or a choke. My kesa gatame is good if you have never worked with me before. Especially when you see me come in with a toddler on my hip. Never judge a book by its cover. I can take advantage of that and pin you like a bug to that mat.

2007-01-10T19:25:00.000-05:00

Weight release....

As they say in the 12-step group I am a member of...I have weight release...meaning there is a lot of useless stuff that has been burned off my rear-end and belly. About 20 pounds more to go and I will be at my goal weight. I can thank judo for the motivation. Not only have I lost about 20 pounds I have converted a lot to muscle. Almost knocked my husband out with a Tai Otoshi without trying (of course he didn't tuck his head, but still). I have now made my way over to the free weights at the gym. I am the only woman who looks like I do over there, but to heck with the gawkers.

2006-12-31T15:33:00.000-05:00

Switching Gears for the New Year

Okay today I went really off my diet which involves no sugar, alcohol or fried foods. But the New Year is upon us and it is time for some serious training resolutions. I had the stomach flu over Christmas which included vomiting, diarrhea, chills, fever and the worst headache ever. I couldn't eat for three days. And then I went to judo yesterday. I haven't been training and I was really weak. There was only three of us there and I was still really weak so we just learned some new chokes and did some easy Newaza (if there is such a thing).

On Wednesday there is a woman coming to class, but I am holding back my enthusiasm because other women often don't stay. But I am hoping that she will come to the first class at least and then I will have an excuse to work on some basics because I have gotten out of shape with the holidays and the flu. I am excited about the New Year and training more. I am hoping for some standing Randori since our Sensei never lets us do real standing randori. I am glad he is cautious of injury but I like throwing and being thrown. Ochi Komis often end up with me throwing people though because I don't have the strength to stop them once I get the momentum going. That usually ends up with my Uke retaliating when it is his turn.

I am looking for a fun filled year with Judo training and schedule for gym conditioning and one yoga class a week. That is my hope for this next year. A female partner for practice wouldn't be a bad gift either. Santa brought me a Jimmy Pedro book maybe he can bring me a late present of a nice tough female Uke (around my same weight would be nice if you are listening out there fat guy).

:)

2006-12-10T09:43:00.000-05:00

A quick update.

I did make gokyu which is yellow belt at our dojo. I am struggling with strength issues since the men are getting stronger and are more confident now. Handling that fear seems important. Haven't done much yoga. I really need to. I have a hard time switching techniques from one side to the other and I think yoga might help balance me some.

2006-12-01T08:48:00.000-05:00

Gokyu

We go for the examination on Saturday. The Sensei taught us how to go from a standing to sitting position in preparation for the exam. I am racking my brain and trying to remember all of the rules/vocabulary that we need to memorize. My throws aren't great, but I also have had less time to practice and there is no one my size, gender or height in our class. Ouchi gari, O soto gari and De Ashi barai are okay. But Ippon Seio nage and the hip throws are not as good. On Wednesday I went to practice with hubby, but there was another man their his size so I let those two work together and sat out for a bit. Someone had to watch our daughter as the childcare ended early on Wednesday. My husband had said that I could stay and he would sit out but it would have been silly because I am only 5'1" and the other guy was easily 6'1". The Sensei actually apologized because he had me sit out the last five minutes before I had to leave, but he didn't know I was leaving early because I didn't have a chance to tell him because we were late getting there. I honestly didn't mind and I learned a lot. The Sensei at least trusts my Ukemi enough now to let me get thrown. I think I have been ready for a while because it didn't hurt at all even when my hubby threw me full force. It actually felt strangely good especially when hubby nailed a throw. I think the power of a good throw is something that is addictive.

Still working on weight loss. I am attending an anonymous meeting online. I love to exercise. That really isn't the issue. It is controlling what I eat which is more difficult for me. But I come from a family that puts on weight easily so I have to be more restrictive than I would like. Mostly I am just trying to make a commitment not to eat fried fast food or deep fried foods. And I want to completely cut out sugar until I lost the 30 pounds that I need to lose. It is about discipline but it is also an emotional thing that comes from the past. Judo helps (and yoga when I do it) because I am able to feel confident and like me for me right now. I may be a little fat but my kesa gatame is brutal and that is a nice feeling. ~

2006-11-26T17:47:00.000-05:00

Bicycle tires and a resolution

I have discovered the wonderful world of bicycle tires for judo training. I am able to practice my footwork over and over with a little bit of resistance. I am making sure that my footwork is correct. I also pulled out my old tai bo gloves...you remember box aerobics that seem all but extinct now-a-days. Well I can do our warm up exercises with the extra weight on my hands and it seems to help.

What is my resolution you ask? It is to give up alcohol completely. After I came back from Thanksgiving all of my joints were swelling so I have decided to give up alcohol because I feel rotten everytime that I drink it. Something about alcohol and my liver no longer agree and it is empty calories that I can't use for anything.

2006-11-18T22:47:00.000-05:00

Sore egos and jaws

The truth is that women are not as strong as men and never can be. The other truth is that my husband forgets this fact when we practice judo together and likes to accidently punch and knee me in the face.

Why can't I just let them win if they are going to and wait until I have a real chance to use my judo and then and only then show my true strength.

I need to go to yoga...I am feeling so uncentered.

2006-11-11T17:03:00.000-05:00

Today was another rough day. We are all white belts except for the instructor. As we all get better we are realizing how much more difficult it is to continue. We did Ouchi Gairi. I rocked it out. My back and bottom are sore from taking more falls. The sensei said go easy on her and guess who pounded me the hardest...my hubby. I think he knows I can take it so he gives it. Of course he always ends up kneeing me in the head during Ne waza. One of these days he is going to break my nose and then I am going to laugh because he will have to sit with me while I go through another surgery to fix it (had one done to fix an old soccer injury a few years ago).

Something funny though...I was choking hubby and he doesn't joke easily. His eyes starting popping out his head. I am not kidding it was gruesome. I was like "tap out please". He did the same thing with the sensei who choked him for so long he saw stars. Tough neck I guess to go with the big head.

2006-11-06T16:21:00.000-05:00

Cardio, Weights and Mucho progress

Okay for the last several weeks I have been only doing Judo. Our Judo class is only once a week and it is for about 2 hours. The two hours are grueling. Our Sensai pushes us until we are dripping with sweat.

Today I went to the gym to do tradional cardio and weight lifting. The cardio was a breeze. I burned 350 calories in 30 minutes on an elliptical machine and I barely broke a sweat. Hubby who is also in Judo was with me and he did about the same amount of cardio. Just a mere 3 months ago I would have never been able to keep up the pace and 30 minutes would have seemed like an eternity.

Then I went to lift weights. I skipped the machines and did free weights. I was amazed that I could almost keep up with my husband. He is six feet tall and I am only 5'1". I also did squats with about 130lbs of weight. Go me!! I am hoping that my squats will help with my Tachi-waza (particularly my hip throws). I have been struggling to get good execution on my throws. Hubby was off today so we went over some of the throws without executing. Unfortunately he has a bruised rib which means I have to be really careful in practicing with him. I wish that their was someone closer to my own height in our class. I am the shortest of everyone over the age of 14.

2006-11-04T15:14:00.000-05:00

Newaza

Picture this...my first Judo class and we practice Newaza or grappling techniques. I am immediately pinned. We switch partners. I am immediately pinned again and again.

Fast forward to today. I not only am able to keep from getting held down, I am able to get out of choking techniques, arm bar techniques and able to hold down my opponents in Kesa Gatame.

Click here to see a pick of this holdown on Judoinfo.com http://www.judoinfo.com/images/osaekomi/hon_kesa_gatame.gif

As a woman I have a very strong advantage in that I can't rely on my strength. Because it isn't a matter of just showing my strength I can work and rely on technique which I am finding is a good way to become a better Judo player.

2006-11-01T07:14:00.000-05:00

Weight loss, weight lifting, and not enough time

So I have still been obsessing a bit about weight. I have about 8 pounds that I really want to drop and my diet has been awful lately. I work Monday and Tuesday nights so it is always a rush to get my daughter taken care of while I leave. And then I simply don't have time so I grab convienence foods. I also get really hungry the first few days after a Judo class and then it calms down. I am in the calm stage now. Considering I burn approximately 1200 or more calories in our 2 hour torture (I mean class), then it is no wonder I am so hungry for the next few days.

So I am also starting to lift in my basement because I am having trouble making it to the YMCA everyday to lift. I am focusing on squats with the bar in front. I am trying to discipline myself to stretch because I want to maintain my flexibility. All this talk about yoga and I haven't done any yoga in over a week.

My goal today...basic yoga tonight before bed...rest from lifting...stretch when I have a spare minute...no convenience foods!

2006-10-31T08:58:00.000-05:00

Christianity and Meditation

I was reading a yoga magazine once and it had a section about Christian yoga. I guess the premise is that meditation can make room for the devil. Christian yoga is only different in that assures it's members that they aren't making way for the devil and that they are practicing yoga with other Christians. I personally don't believe this is nessecary. I think it is up to the individual to decide what enters or doesn't enter their minds during times of meditation. I don't think that yoga or judo for that matter have to contradict any spiritual beliefs. There is room for both. The spiritual connection for me is the body is my body as a temple and I am just doing a little "preventive maintenance" to use an Army term from a time in my life when I practiced another martial discipline.

2006-10-30T22:08:00.000-05:00

It's all about how you feel about yourself. Gaining muscle and feeling more trim and fit is a good thing. Fitting into an old pair of jeans--also a good thing. But I find that I can't focus on these things. If I focus on how I look I am losing the battle. It's not about how I look. It's about doing something brave, centering, and peaceful. It's about being a better person.

Fitness can do that. But not when you are in an aerobics class that emphasizes inches or tightness of specific body parts. It is holistic. My body, my mind and my spirit are all part of it. This is a battle to let go of what other people think about me. It isn't even a competition. It is simply growth. I need to get back to regular Yoga practice to balance me on this journey.

My goals for the rest of the week. Quit obsessing over food...inches...and getting promoted in Judo. Start focusing on regular yoga practice whether it be by myself or in a group.

2006-10-29T19:13:00.000-05:00

Do I try for the yellow belt promotion? I find myself wondering if I am just kidding myself. After all I am atill about 30 lbs overweight. I am not as strong as the men although stronger than a lot of the 14 year old boys. For some reason it doesn't help to know I can beat a 14 year old. The sensai says it is about skill but there are those that are looking to win every time. It is the way of men and the way of women too I guess. We want to win.

What I don't want to do is embarass myself. I still lack some of the leg/hip strength to execute the throws. But I am doing squats now every day to try to strengthen myself. For me it is mental. I am the only woman in a sport that is male dominated with a tough sensai who is hard to read. Sometimes I feel that I am in the way. I can't help but feel like a second class judoka. Maybe I should stay a white belt until I can make up my mind if I have the right mental state to succeed. It certainly is easier than trying and failing, but then again I have always learned a lot from my mistakes.

2006-10-28T08:54:00.000-04:00

Judo has become a central focus in my life. It is only once a week but I think I am in it forever. I am getting better although most of the time I lose to the men it doesn't stop me. I still have hope for a female partner, but I can still do my best with the men and boys. There is nothing like wiggling out of a move that the sensai tries on me on the floor. Or pinning my husband down and having sensai tell him he can't fowl by grabbing my face to get out.

If nothing else it is awesome self defense and a great chance to practice patience and discipline.

2006-10-12T10:44:00.000-04:00

I went to a new yoga class last night that emphasized relaxation. I must say that I am now able to lift my big caboose into the air and put my feet over my head which is nice. The relaxation part was okay. They gave us a lavendar scented satchel to put over our eyes. My body is suprisingly sore today which is unusual but I think I did a lot of lower back work. On the weight loss front I am at about 13 lbs down from my high. Still have about 30 left to go until I am at what I consider a healthy weight. I really have a lot of muscle in my upper body for a woman from Judo and weight lifting so I am not paying much attention to the weight/height BMI. I am going by the old Army standards for body fat percentage.

When I got out of Army training I weighed about 134 and this by BMI standards would be considered overweight since I am only scraping 5'1". I was complete muscle then and my body fat was really low so BMI can lie. I am not shooting for 134 by the way. my goal is about 20 lbs more than that. I think I deserve a little extra body fat since I am not in the Army.

So Judo on Saturday. I am alone since Erik has to work. We will see how I do amidst the sweaty men and boys. I found a woman who does karate and competes against men and she is the mother of one of the boys in the class and she said wrestling is disgusting. I could never do that. So...I think my hopes of finding a woman who wants to work with me are slim.

2006-09-24T22:23:00.000-04:00

I have been a fitness slacker for the last several days. I miss yoga. I am really starting to get the triangle poses down and it is a lot more relaxing now that I am stronger and more flexible. Yoga centers me and when it is over I have the incredible feeling of calm. It is almost surreal.

Judo -- well there is a problem here. I still have no female partner which means that I can only do the hold down techniques, which involve getting close and personal with your partner and having your hands all over their crotch, with my husband. I am wondering if I will be able to find someone to work with. I really enjoy the class although I think he could go a little easier and slower at times. Hubby bled on the mat several times last session.

2006-09-17T19:03:00.001-04:00

I have decided to come back to blogging but only to keep track of my fitness journey. I visit the gym three times a week minimum and I do Judo, Yoga and Pilates. Judo is currently my favorite class although at times I get scared because I am in with all men. The discipline is helping my mind as well as my body.

So far I have lost 10 pounds. My goals are to abstain from foods with sugar as a main ingredient, to abstain from all deep fried foods and continue to work out at the gym. Oh and to be a better Judo student than my husband so I can pin him to the mat.

2006-08-18T16:58:00.000-04:00

I have given up blogging. The next time you see anything personal about me it will be in print...someday.Until then I will just be a hopeless voyeur and read about your life!